Lessons from Madeline

Recently I have been reading and listening to several different sources that talk about the ideas of presence, mindfulness and wonder.  In our fast-paced busy world, full of screens loaded with distractions, these concepts are not prevalent in our thinking most of the time.  I have long dealt with trying to discipline my mind to pay attention, especially in church, but it is still prone to wander and think about a thousand other things than the things that are going on right in front of me.  Phil would tell you I'm at my worst when I'm supposed to be listening to something he's saying.  I am also trying to be more mindful of my surroundings when I take walks for exercise.  I find myself looking down at the ground too much, and sometimes my distraction is due to the fact that I use this time to pray, which is a good thing.  I often stop now to look around, to listen, and to really see what is going on around me.

All that being said, I am learning to practice mindfulness and being present as I am watching Madeline.  At nearly 16 months old, Madeline is totally present in every moment.  Her mind is never wandering to her future plans or problems she might face.  She looks intently at everything around her, seeing it with her young eyes and letting me see it with new eyes because of her.

Madeline loves being outside and would stay out all day long if we would let her.  During this fall season I have watched her experience some things for the first time.  Today we played in a pile of leaves, and she was totally enthralled with the sounds of the crunching leaves as we stomped on them and sat in the midst of them.

Last week we were outside on the driveway, and Madeline was running around on the pavement.  As she ran, a strong gust of wind came up and blew a bunch of leaves across the driveway.  As she stood there, feeling the force of the wind against her little frame, she became a little freaked out because she didn't know what was happening.  I think she thought that the leaves were some sort of little animals running past her feet.  This was a totally new experience for her, and it was fun to watch her process what was happening to her at that moment.

As I drove her back to her mom in the afternoon, she laughed and squealed the whole way to school.  About halfway there it dawned on me why she was so tickled.  I had given her a sippy cup with a straw that opens and closes when I put her in her seat.  She had opened the spout and was shaking it up and water was flying all over the place.  When we arrived she was totally soaked from head to toe (I'm so glad it was just water).  No wonder she was having such fun!

Madeline is helping me rediscover the childlike wonder in everyday things.  Our children and grandchildren do this for all of us, and it is a huge gift.  If we embrace it, it will relight the flame of wonder in each of us.

Daring Detectives

One of the books I'm reading now is The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin, thanks to the recommendation of my friend Bea.  This book has been around for a while, and Rubin has some more current books out about happiness.  But this book is an easy read with lots of really practical ideas for growing and cultivating happiness in your life.  As I've stepped into retirement, I've learned that one of the guiding questions you can ask yourself often about how you are going to spend your time is, "Will this make me happy?"

One of the things I knew would make me happy was to go back and do some of the things I used to do when I taught drama at Griffith Elementary.  Those activities I used to do with the kids were some of the most enjoyable things I've ever done.  There's just something special about doing things that so many kids find delightful.  There's nothing like the reception I used to get when I walked into a roomful of students full of anticipation for the fun we were going to have.

At the beginning of the school year I contacted one of the teachers I knew at Griffith and asked if he'd be willing to let me come do some things with his kids once a week.  He was agreeable to the idea, and so I've been going for several weeks.  We are doing my very favorite unit, Daring Detectives.  In this unit I enlist the students to be detectives in my detective agency.  I have the students apply for the job and practice some observation skills before we start our case.

I play Detective Shirley Holmes with these third graders.

Today we began the case which involves a lady who has lost her dog.  I told the kids this lady is coming to talk to them about her case, but I have another case I'm working on so they'll have to get her information without me.  At this point, I went out of the room and dressed as the lady with the lost dog and reentered the room.  The kids were perfectly willing to go along with the ruse, so they began asking me questions about my dog and took notes in their detective notebooks.

Here I am playing the lady who lost her dog.

When I finished my dog story I told the students that I had to leave.  I exited the classroom and changed back into my detective gear.  When I came back into the classroom I asked if they had talked to the lady, and they excitedly began to tell me all about what she said.  Never once did any child ever say, "That was you.  You know all about the lady and her dog."  They spoke to me as if I were not actually in the room.  

It always amazes and delights me to watch this all play out.  There's just something so special about watching children use their imaginations and pretend to be something they are not.

In the coming weeks we will be investigating this "case," and we will have to use some spy gear and some disguises.  It will be lots of fun...for me and for them.  And it will definitely make me happy.  I'm sitting here smiling about it as I write this post.

To My EBC Family

Dear Friends,

As most of you know, Phil and I are beginning a new chapter of our lives at Dunlap United Methodist Church.  I have been given a staff position working with their youth.  I had been feeling called to a leadership position for a few years now, and I am happy to find an open door there.

When I first began to feel God's calling in a new way on my life, I spent a long time praying and contemplating what I should do.  Then I heard a man talk about Peter walking on the water to Jesus.  Peter says to Jesus, "If it's you, Lord, tell me to come to you." Then the man added, "If it's you, Lord, tell me to get out of the boat."  And that became my prayer.  "If this calling is from you, Lord, tell me to get out of the boat."

Obviously, I have felt that God has moved me to get out of the boat.  And part of what that looks like is leaving you.

But I can't leave without saying "Thank you" to all of you at Ewtonville.  It is because of your long-time presence in my life that I have become who I am today.  You gave me a safe place to learn and grow in my faith.  Many of you were important in the life of my own children.  You also gave me the great blessing of a place to practice teaching in so many different settings over the years.  You let be creative in developing programs, and you let me express myself in dramas and in singing.  Most of all, you let me love your kids.

One of my favorite memories at church is taking communion together.  After I had stepped up to receive the bread and juice I would sit down and watch you all file by to receive your portions.  I would look at you and remember how we were connected, history we shared.  I would always feel the swell of the great love and affection I had for you.

Of course, I am not gone from your lives.  I still live just down the road.  I will see you at Wal-Mart, the gas station, El Metate, all around town.  I will keep up with you on Facebook.  So, though our relationship has changed, never doubt my love for you and my gratitude for all you mean to me.

                                                                                 Your sister in Christ,
                                                                                     Pam

                                                                               

My New Job

I am excited to announce that I am taking on a new job.  I have been asked to work as the youth leader at Dunlap United Methodist Church.  We have been attending there for the past few weeks, and as a result, my name was put into consideration for this job.  After thoughtful prayer and consideration I decided take this position.

Now believe me when I say that the irony of this is not lost on me.  I am a 57-year-old taking on working with youth.  I know I don't look like your typical youth leader...

Reverend Tim Tom from ABC's "The Middle"

My personal favorite, Jason Dildine

This being said, I can go back to one of my favorite Bible verses, Ephesians 2:10.  It says, "We are [God's] workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works that God has prepared in advance for us to do."  I feel that God has prepared me for this ministry at this time in my life and at this time in the lives of the youth that I will come in contact with.  I am thankful for the opportunity to share what God has been pouring into me recently.  And I am equally excited about what I will learn from the kids and parents who will be a part of my life for this next chapter of my story.

This is a leap of faith for me.  I find it scary and exhilarating.  A few weeks ago I heard Andy Stanley say, "It is the job of the leader to stir and disturb the imaginations of those they lead."  I am praying that I can do that stirring and disturbing.  Who knows what God has in store for all of us!

Strong Women

When I was at Catalyst, in addition to hearing Margaret Feinberg, I heard two other strong women, Dr. Brene Brown and Christine Caine.  They both have several books, and I'm in the middle of reading Dr. Brown's Daring Greatly and enjoying it very much.  Dr. Brown first gained acclaim for her TED talk on vulnerability and shame.  Below is a summary of what each of these women had to say.

Dr. Brene Brown

If we are brave enough, often enough, we are going to fall.

People who dare greatly choose courage over comfort and have a high capacity for disappointment.

The people who are the most resilient after falling or failing practice certain habits that enable them to get back up.  

When we are hurt or face something hard, emotions get the first crack at making sense of it.  Our brain rewards us for creating a story to interpret the event, and we experience this reward whether the story is accurate or not.  People who are resilient recognize when they are reacting with emotion to an event.  They stop and think about this and are curious about what they feel.  They have a tremendous understanding of their emotional landscape.

These people physically write down the story they are creating.  Dr. Brown calls this the "@!$% first draft."  They have then learned to confront people with this story by saying something like, "The story I'm telling myself right now is..."  Many times this leads to a conversation that tells a different story and restores the relationship between the people involved.

In the absence of real data we all make up our own story about what has occurred.  When you own the story, you get to make up the ending.

Christine Caine:  She spoke from Numbers 13, about the 12 spies that went into the promised land.

The people who ended up wandering in the wilderness were the Lost Generation.  They had seen more of the glory and power of the Lord than any other people in all of history.  This means you can be in the midst of a miracle and not know the God of the miracle.

Ten of the twelve leaders kept the people from experiencing the glory of God.  We don't even remember their names.  But how many people even today are named Caleb and Joshua.

Your perspective will determine the destiny of many others.

These leaders couldn't comprehend what God said in verse 2 : “Send some men to explore the land of Canaan, which I am giving to the Israelites."  God said He was GIVING them the land, not seeing if they were able to take it.

Some of you keep asking God for signs, wonders and miracles, and then you refuse to put yourself in any kind of context where you need one. 

The ingredients of a miracle are right there in our midst.

Even though it has been more than a week since I heard these talks, God is still using them to speak to my heart and mind.  I am glad to share them with you here, because maybe you need to hear them too.

Dealing with Regrets

In visiting other churches in Dunlap we have been welcomed at each place by a large number of friends and acquaintances in each congregation.  We are thankful to see so many familiar faces.  But there are other people out there who were part of our lives for a season but have not resurfaced into our lives until now.  Most of these encounters have been very positive with lots of questions about our grown children and our current lives.  A couple of the encounters come with a twinge of guilt.  Even these have been positive, but they take me back to times of failure in my interactions with their children.

I met the mother of three sons, two of whom were students in my classroom in fourth grade.  One of these boys was a very difficult student, whose behavior was challenging.  We both survived the school year, but I encountered this young man again a couple of years later during VBS.  His behavior at church led me to ask him not to return to our class.  I can't tell you how many times I have regretted this decision.  I wish I had been more creative in finding a solution to dealing with his behavior.  I hurt his mother's feelings, and later I felt the need to go and apologize to her for not dealing with her son in a better way.  She was so gracious in accepting my apology, and I have always been grateful for that.  When I encountered her at church last week she was so warm and gracious once again.  I was glad of it, but that decision long ago is still something I regret.

I also had a student long ago who was severely autistic.  I had worked with several handicapped students in my career including a blind student and one with severe epilepsy, but I found myself ill-equipped to deal with autism. (This was in the beginning when autism was just starting to be recognized as a condition).  I encountered this student along with his mother and father this week in the church I attended.  I was able to hear this mother give testimony to what a kind, loving young man he is, and how much she has struggled with being excluded from activities because the behavior of her son is uncomfortable for many people.  She spoke so passionately about his character and their struggles that I was moved.  All these years later I had moved on, but she was there day after day caring for, advocating for, and loving this son.  It made wish very much that I had enlisted her help in dealing with this boy and becoming an ally of hers, instead of keeping my distance and just getting by.

We all have regrets.  We all have failures in our lives.  What I've learned from these encounters is that when you are doing your best and have good intentions, people are mostly gracious when you make mistakes.  I've also learned that involving the parent is a key to having the best shot at having a positive interaction with difficult students.  It doesn't always work, but I still think it is the most important step a teacher can take in these situations.

How to Comfort the Afflicted

Another speaker at the Catalyst conference was Margaret Feinberg.  She has a number of books including Fight Back with Joy and Wonderstruck.  On Wednesday I attended a small group session in which she spoke.  The main idea of her talk in this workshop was to explain to us what we can do for those dealing with cancer, other major illnesses, death of loved ones and other traumatic events.  She speaks with authority as a cancer survivor who is still very much in the battle for her life.  Here are some of the ideas she shared in her talk.

Suffering allows you to see the other side of your soul.  Adversity boils the scum of your life to the top. It gives you a new way to look at joy. You find fellowship in the others who are afflicted.  It changes the way you read the Bible.

What do you do when you read the story of the Good Samaritan and all of the sudden you are the man who was robbed and left for dead?

How can we better care for those who are afflicted?

          1.  Give the gift of your ongoing presence.  Many friends are willing to cook a casserole or send a care package in the beginning, but they don't go the distance.  It is hard for us to want to hear their cry or enter into their affliction.

          2.  Be slow to speak.  People so often say dumb things, things that hurt.  Speak no harm.  Margaret has created a set of cards that say things that are helpful.  You can find them here.  If someone has passed away, don't be afraid to mention the name of the person who has passed.  Their loved ones like to know that person is remembered.

          3.  Be a quiet and consistent learner. (This made me think of all the things i have learned in dealing with my aunt and uncle.) Here she mentioned that you shouldn't ask anyone what stage cancer they have.  It's like saying, "How long do you have?"  

          4.  Be practical and yet imaginative.  Remember that the needs of the afflicted person are always changing.  Ask the person what they need, but don't put the burden of figuring out the answer by themselves.  Give them options like, "Would you rather have a gas card, or babysitting, or your lawn mowed?"

          5.  Ask God how to pray for the person.  Don't assume that you know what they need from God.  Be open to the moving of the Holy Spirit.  "Lord, teach us to pray."

I found lots of good, practical advice from someone who speaks from experience.  Maybe some of you need to know this too.