Dealing with Regrets

In visiting other churches in Dunlap we have been welcomed at each place by a large number of friends and acquaintances in each congregation.  We are thankful to see so many familiar faces.  But there are other people out there who were part of our lives for a season but have not resurfaced into our lives until now.  Most of these encounters have been very positive with lots of questions about our grown children and our current lives.  A couple of the encounters come with a twinge of guilt.  Even these have been positive, but they take me back to times of failure in my interactions with their children.

I met the mother of three sons, two of whom were students in my classroom in fourth grade.  One of these boys was a very difficult student, whose behavior was challenging.  We both survived the school year, but I encountered this young man again a couple of years later during VBS.  His behavior at church led me to ask him not to return to our class.  I can't tell you how many times I have regretted this decision.  I wish I had been more creative in finding a solution to dealing with his behavior.  I hurt his mother's feelings, and later I felt the need to go and apologize to her for not dealing with her son in a better way.  She was so gracious in accepting my apology, and I have always been grateful for that.  When I encountered her at church last week she was so warm and gracious once again.  I was glad of it, but that decision long ago is still something I regret.

I also had a student long ago who was severely autistic.  I had worked with several handicapped students in my career including a blind student and one with severe epilepsy, but I found myself ill-equipped to deal with autism. (This was in the beginning when autism was just starting to be recognized as a condition).  I encountered this student along with his mother and father this week in the church I attended.  I was able to hear this mother give testimony to what a kind, loving young man he is, and how much she has struggled with being excluded from activities because the behavior of her son is uncomfortable for many people.  She spoke so passionately about his character and their struggles that I was moved.  All these years later I had moved on, but she was there day after day caring for, advocating for, and loving this son.  It made wish very much that I had enlisted her help in dealing with this boy and becoming an ally of hers, instead of keeping my distance and just getting by.

We all have regrets.  We all have failures in our lives.  What I've learned from these encounters is that when you are doing your best and have good intentions, people are mostly gracious when you make mistakes.  I've also learned that involving the parent is a key to having the best shot at having a positive interaction with difficult students.  It doesn't always work, but I still think it is the most important step a teacher can take in these situations.