How to Comfort the Afflicted

Another speaker at the Catalyst conference was Margaret Feinberg.  She has a number of books including Fight Back with Joy and Wonderstruck.  On Wednesday I attended a small group session in which she spoke.  The main idea of her talk in this workshop was to explain to us what we can do for those dealing with cancer, other major illnesses, death of loved ones and other traumatic events.  She speaks with authority as a cancer survivor who is still very much in the battle for her life.  Here are some of the ideas she shared in her talk.

Suffering allows you to see the other side of your soul.  Adversity boils the scum of your life to the top. It gives you a new way to look at joy. You find fellowship in the others who are afflicted.  It changes the way you read the Bible.

What do you do when you read the story of the Good Samaritan and all of the sudden you are the man who was robbed and left for dead?

How can we better care for those who are afflicted?

          1.  Give the gift of your ongoing presence.  Many friends are willing to cook a casserole or send a care package in the beginning, but they don't go the distance.  It is hard for us to want to hear their cry or enter into their affliction.

          2.  Be slow to speak.  People so often say dumb things, things that hurt.  Speak no harm.  Margaret has created a set of cards that say things that are helpful.  You can find them here.  If someone has passed away, don't be afraid to mention the name of the person who has passed.  Their loved ones like to know that person is remembered.

          3.  Be a quiet and consistent learner. (This made me think of all the things i have learned in dealing with my aunt and uncle.) Here she mentioned that you shouldn't ask anyone what stage cancer they have.  It's like saying, "How long do you have?"  

          4.  Be practical and yet imaginative.  Remember that the needs of the afflicted person are always changing.  Ask the person what they need, but don't put the burden of figuring out the answer by themselves.  Give them options like, "Would you rather have a gas card, or babysitting, or your lawn mowed?"

          5.  Ask God how to pray for the person.  Don't assume that you know what they need from God.  Be open to the moving of the Holy Spirit.  "Lord, teach us to pray."

I found lots of good, practical advice from someone who speaks from experience.  Maybe some of you need to know this too.