A couple of weeks ago I had the great fun of speaking at our annual Ladies' Bible Conference. It was called "My Story." I presented a lot of ideas that I got from attending a conference by Donald Miller called Storyline. I have used these ideas for several talks, including at camp this summer. The ideas have been well received, and I am thankful for the opportunity to share.
The theme verse for our conference came from the book of Psalms: "Let the redeemed of the Lord tell their story." So I wanted to share a kind of back story to my speaking at the conference.
I became a Christian when I was about 13. I attended a large church in Indianapolis, and I received great Bible teaching there. But from very early on, I could feel the urging of the Lord to speak in front of others. I began by being able to give a testimony when we had Thanksgiving services. As a teenager, being able to speak up and tell what I was thankful for and praise the Lord was my baby step in beginning to speak.
At school however, I had the same experience most people do. When I had to give a report to my peers, I was terrified. I would get sick to my stomach, and worst of all, I would break out in big red blotches on my face and neck. There it was for all to see...the evidence of my fear.
I was, however, very determined to overcome this fear. I made myself take drama class in high school in order to become better at being in front of people. It helped but when I moved on to college speech class I was way out of my comfort zone once again. Over the course of my college education, I faced my peers over and over as I had to prepare lessons and teach them. The fear continued to be so great in me that when it came time for student teaching I remember praying, "Lord, if you really want me to be a teacher, you will have to make it clear by helping me through this." The Lord was so faithful and gave me a strong teacher who helped me through the process. I am so thankful for His presence at that time in my life, and for this answer to prayer.
But then it was time to take on my first teaching assignment. It was teaching reading to 7th and 8th graders at the old junior high school in Dunlap. It was a terrible assignment, and I cried almost every day. I felt so ill-prepared for what I was asked to do, and I was not up to the challenge that these students presented. I want to say the students were just mean, but there is no way that is the whole truth of the matter. Certainly there were several students who took great delight in my agony, but I'm sure there were others who were good and kind. I just couldn't get my focus off of the bad ones.
The next year took me to fourth grade where I finally found my stride. I stayed there for many years. The next step forward came when I began teaching ACE class and began to really work on being a storyteller. Years in EBC Kids' Club (and AWANA before that) gave me chances to hone those skills too.
And so for me to finally be at this point in my life, the place where I can speak to a crowd of nearly 200 ladies and not turn all blotchy, and even be able to eat my meal before I had to speak, is nothing short of miraculous. It is a testament to the Lord's patient and persistent work over time. I know there a lots of people who can speak easily to a group at a much younger age, but for me it's been a process. And I'm so thankful for God's continual presence throughout it all.
When Tamara asked us to create a piece of art to talk about what we were learning that weekend, that was the story I wanted my art to tell. So here is my piece:
The red blotches, the word "fear," take to the background as the heart represents "perfect love that casts out fear." Ps. 19:14 is there: "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength and my redeemer." I also included words from Jeremiah in which he tells the Lord that he cannot speak. God assures Jeremiah that He has "put my words in your mouth." And last but not least, the word "speak," which God has enabled me to do.
Speaking at my church in front of family and friends, including my dear roommate from college, was a wonderful experience. I am so thankful for all that God has done in my life and continues to do. "To God be the glory, great things He hath done!"
