The First Question

Last week, I wrote about our friend Rachel and how finding her and her blog led us to deal with some hard questions in our faith.

The first question I had to deal with for myself was about homosexuality.  It all began when I found out that a dear friend of mine is gay.  Not only is he gay, but he is the pastor of a large active church in Indianapolis.

Jeff went to church with me when we were in junior high and high school.  He was the only person from school who also attended my church.  We dated some and were good friends.  One of the most attractive things to me about Jeff was his passion for Christ.  Everyone saw it.  Even our pastor told Jeff’s mom, “I believe God has something very special in mind for Jeff.”  Jeff told me later, “Liitle did he know…”

When we were sophomores Jeff moved to Colorado.  We wrote faithfully for a couple of years.  Jeff wrote long letters to me about his desire to serve the Lord with all his heart, soul, mind and strength.  But distance took its toll, and eventually we went our separate ways.  In the past few years, I learned he was back in Indianapolis, and pastor of a large church that welcomed a diverse congregation, including gays and lesbians.

I had to think about this.  I had to learn more about this.  My first step was to attend a workshop on homosexuality sponsored by Focus on the Family.  There were several speakers who had left the gay lifestyle to become straight, becoming part of traditional families. One of the most striking things they said was that Christians had done great harm to gays during the AIDS epidemic in the 80’s and 90’s.  Instead of acting in love and coming to minister to the gay community in their time of great need, most Christian groups took the position that this was God’s just judgment for their great sin.  In essence, we said, “Good riddance!”  This viewpoint is very prevalent even today. 

 But I knew that the information I got there was not the whole story.  I had to hear the other side of the story, directly from Jeff.  I contacted him, and on one of my trips to Indianapolis I arranged to meet him at a social event at his church. (I can’t tell you how nervous I was about all this.  It was like covert operations!)   I sat down to dinner with him and listened to his story.

Jeff went to college at Bob Jones University, an extremely conservative Christian college in South Carolina.  It was there that he came to grips with the fact that he was gay.  And that was a crisis point for him.  His great desire was to be a pastor, but he knew that was impossible because of what he was dealing with.  Jeff went on to Harvard Law School and practiced law in Washington, DC.  It was there he found a church that welcomed gays, and this changed his life.  This opened the door to his being able to fulfill his lifelong dream of being a pastor.  That is he how he came to be back in Indianapolis.

Jeff has written a book about his views on the Bible and homosexuality.  His view is that God’s judgment rests upon the promiscuity that often accompanies the homosexual lifestyle.  He believes that gays in committed monogamous relationships are able to live a strong Christian life.  He practices what he preaches and has been married to his spouse for over fifteen years.

When I met Jeff and talked to him after all these years, I was struck by a couple of things.   Jeff was very much the same person I remembered, and yes, even loved, so many years ago.  He was smart, engaging and fun to talk to, and none of his zeal for serving the Lord has diminished.  He speaks often about his faith, and engages in debates about his views (those lawyer skills come in handy).  He lives out his Christianity better than most people I know.

So what do I do with this?  How to I understand this?  This goes against everything I have ever been taught. 

I don’t have the answers.  I still find all this totally confusing.  But one thing I do know.  Once you put a face on homosexuality instead of just using it as a label, your perspective changes.  You’re forced to grapple with it, and there are no easy answers.

The other thing I know is that each person’s story matters.  The road they’ve taken… the problems they’ve dealt with…it all matters.  It matters to Jesus, and it better matter to me, if I truly want to follow Him.  That’s why I’m listening, and trying to learn what God wants me to do to meet the needs of friends who are dealing with homosexuality in their own lives, and in the lives of family members.