Confessions of a Rule-Follower

Recently as I’ve been thinking about confession, there are certainly things that I feel very convicted about.  I think we all have things in our lives that constantly beset us.  For some it is an addiction to drugs or alcohol; others deal with sexual sins.   Just as some are always fighting the battle with these things in their mind and in their body, so it is with me.  But my pet sin is different because it makes one look good on the outside.

I struggle with pride.

Every day, in many different situations, just as an addict thinks about whatever they are addicted to, my mind runs to prideful thoughts.  It is my most natural tendency.  Being an American also adds to my sense of pride/privilege.

Like me, many people who deal with pride are rule-followers.  We enjoy having rules and keeping them, because it is a way to keep score.  It’s a way to look good in front of others, and to know where we stand.

With us rule-followers, it’s all about our reputation.

That’s why one of my favorite characters in the Bible is Jesus’ stepfather, Joseph.  He was a rule-follower too.  As a Jewish man, he kept the law scrupulously.  Then one day, he was confronted with a pregnant fiancé.  He knew what the law said he should do, and he was determined to do it.  But the Lord spoke to him and told him to take Mary as his wife, which he did, of course.  Joseph’s reputation was ruined.  He would never again be looked upon as a rule-follower, as an observant Jew.

Sometimes God calls us prideful people to give up our reputation, to do something that many people will think is wrong.

So Joseph is a hero of sorts to me.

I’ve dealt with pride for a long time, and I’ve learned that there are things that I must build into my life to guard against it.  Just as an addict must take steps to rid the temptations out of her life, so must I take steps to keep it in check.

One of the things I do is to have some secret service that I do.  This is something that I do away from the eyes of people.  Even if people know about it, I try to talk about the details of it sparingly, only amongst my family and closest friends.  Having a secret service lets none of it be done for my own glory.

Another determination I’ve made in dealing with pride is to work at any job that comes my way.  If I have the opportunity to teach, that’s great, because that’s what I love.  But I try never to think that because I teach, other more menial jobs are beneath me.  If I can help by cleaning a toilet, or picking up trash, or changing diapers, I try to be the first to step up, because nothing IS beneath me.  And because Jesus called us to wash each other’s feet, just as He did for His disciples.

Washing feet is dirty, low-down business.

Another thing that’s helped me with pride is working with kids.  Children have a way of putting you in your place.  I’ve had a whole career full of it.

Then there’s the fact that once you start talking about your pride and writing about it on a blog, you could once again be prideful.  I deal with that thought with the hope that by talking about it I may help someone else that struggles with this same sin.

There are sins of the heart and mind that we don’t talk about very much.  We hear many more sermons in our churches about abortion, addiction, sexual sin, etc.  Every time those sins are preached about, a rule-follower puts a check beside it and say, “I’m good.  I’m not guilty of any of that.”  But many of us have things lurking in our hearts and in our brains that are never dealt with, and here’s hoping that these words may help someone dealing with the problem of pride.